it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
