today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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