Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
