allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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