No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
