haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
