Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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