Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What a dumb baby whore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
