There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
