ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Alive.
So much puke
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
