I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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