can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize