I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
