I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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