youre lurking in front of me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
