I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
