Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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