I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I enjoy the company of your penis
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
