i think my tv is drunk
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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