sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I smell stomach acid.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
