When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
