I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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