sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
