ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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