Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
