i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
