morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
