Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
