thus making me awesome and them whores
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
