First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
