You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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