can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
