That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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