Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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