It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
