Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
