I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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