Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
