I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
