she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
