Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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