That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
