Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
