we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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