No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
