Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
