i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Life is so much better after having sex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
