WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
