He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
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I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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