Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
