why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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