You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
dude. I can hear the air.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
