Don't you send me to vm
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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