The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can you bring me the toilet please
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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