Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
