This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
thus making me awesome and them whores
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
