If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
