Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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