Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes