i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.