Pregnant stripper...not hot.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas