Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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