Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.