Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
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Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi