grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.