Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
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You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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May the power of my ass compel you!!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV