My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.