you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
