i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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