Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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