Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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