Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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